HOW I BECAME A CONFIDENT YOUNG WOMAN

So, I’m a chubby girl.

No, shut up.

Don’t tell me I’m still pretty, cause I never said I thought I was ugly. Please, don’t give me advice on how to diet

since believe it or not, I do know what Google is. Even worse, don’t give me fake compliments like: “I guess it’s ok if you weigh a bit too much cause you have a nice face”. Thanks?

I love how girls pretend to not be judgemental, they say every woman is beautiful in their own way, but weekly, I see women gloat about the fact that they are skinnier than another woman. What annoys me the most is that most women are scared to say that they think they are beautiful, since they know that others will say they are too confident, too intense or that they need to buy a mirror… but the fact that we encourage women to be insecure is another subject for an another day.

Women around me are always surprised when they realize I am a confident person, not only about who I am, but regarding my physical appearance also. Someone has even dared to ask me: “It’s not fair. I take care of myself all the time, so how can you be more confident than me when you are bigger?” Well, probably cause confidence is mental not physical sweetie…

I get it though. It used to matter a lot more to me a few years ago when I lost a lot of weight, for four years. I was so proud of it and I being able to wear shorts without shame was great that summer. My focus was always on my diet and exercising. I was definitely healthier, but I was also more insecure. I would check my weight everyday, compare myself to others and I would stop myself from eating my favourite food constantly.

Something else was missing. Why was not happier?

I sincerely believed that being thinner would make me happier. I also believed that the word beautiful was only for skinny girls and gaining weight would make me unsuccessful.

But somehow, something changed three years ago: my priorities.

I moved to Montreal by myself. Everything was new and exciting. I didn’t want to think about my diet all the time and I didn’t set an exercise routine in my new life. But I didn’t care; I was having fun, dating and making friends.

Then, I decided to go into beauty school. That’s when I started not caring about my makeup as much since I would often take it off publicly for my classmate to practice a skin treatment. I thought people would look at me weird in the street, but seriously, nobody cared. I mean, do you care when you see a girl without makeup in the bus? Probably not.

So, why put pressure on myself on days that I don’t feel like wearing a lot of makeup? If someone actually cared about the fact that we could see my hormonal acne, I realized that… that just won’t actually happen.

Seeing makeup this way made it more fun. I was doing it because I loved it, not because I felt forced to do it. I also quit beauty school because of this.

I met my current boyfriend around this time and we would always eat at restaurants, I was just enjoying life and food. I still haven’t started working out in Montreal. Little that I know 2 years later, I was about 30 pounds heavier again. Oups.

When I finally came around to stepping on a scale I FREAKED OUT. I could remember all the effort I had put in my weight loss 7 years ago and I felt ashamed and guilty. I had a few panic attacks that night and I decided that I needed to lose weight right away.

That was a year ago and my weight is still the same today. I eat better and I work out more, but somehow, I never found the energy to go the extra mile to lose weight.

I know some people think that fat people are lazy, but honestly loosing weight is time consuming for most and it needs to be a priority for it to work. I am actually a very disciplined person If I want to be, after always abandoning my diet I finally came to the conclusion that I didn’t really want to change my body.

Yes, a part of me, wishes I could have my old thinner body and be in good shape again, but the bigger part of me is to busy enjoying life to put all my energy in my appearance.

Obviously, learning to accept my overweight body was a process and it didn’t happen overnight. I would say it took me a bit more than a year to finally come to the point that I just didn’t care about my weight.

I realized that I am now happier than I was when I was skinnier because my life is filled with things that are more important to me like my relationships and my hobbies instead of a diet.

I discovered that I don’t even believe that thin girls are more beautiful at all and I don’t know why I just assumed that I felt that way. Seriously, some plus size models are smoking hot.

And you know what, most days, I would even say I look pretty and I have also learnt that my confidence is actually seen as attractive by a lot of people.

So yes, I am a confident chubby girl.

How? I just don’t give a fuck anymore.

It’s just that simple.

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