We all know a girl for who her Boyfriend is her priority and the only time you hear from her is when they are fighting or breaking up. When she isn’t in a relationship, you are always together and you feel like you understand each other…until she meets someone else and she is a ghost again. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t make her a bad person or a bad friend, but it is so far from my values that I have learnt that this isn’t something I can accept easily in a friendship anymore.
Let me explain. I was raised by a single mom who taught me how to repair things and laugh at women who would wait for a man to live their life. With this education, I ended up being the girl who really didn’t need a man. To be honest, I myself believed up till 3 years ago that I would most likely be forever single since I am quite attached to my independence.
I would see my friends disappear every time they met a new boy and see them sacrifice their own goals for their partner and I would claim: “I could never be that kind of girl”. My girlfriends would almost always answer with this: “it’s a normal thing; you’ll see when you meet someone”. I was so confused; I never thought that having a boyfriend meant having a complete personality changed? Damn, that’s intense.
To my surprise, about two years and a half ago I met my current boyfriend and I realized that I didn’t have to need him, I could just want him in my life. Our relationship was always simple and after 3 weeks it felt like I had known him for 3 years. However, I made it clear right away that I had my own life and no intention of giving it up for his when he told me we could hang out with his friends next Friday night. I explained: “I mean, if I were to have free time, I would spend it with my friends, but if they are busy, sure, I can see yours. Oh and also, you’re not invited to my birthday! I just want to hang out and have fun with my girlfriends!” I think he was a bit surprise at first, but now, I think he’s happy about having an independent girlfriend, especially since he’s actually the same…
On the other hand, he has still never met some of my best friends to this day, mostly cause I know he wouldn’t enjoy himself much with us. I don’t know about you, but a good way to annoy me is with a scenario like this one: I text my friend to met up and she answer right away: “yes of course! Tonight at 8pm?” And I’m like: “yes, it’s been so long!” And then she texts back: “I know! Me and my boyfriend can wait to see you!” Wait. What? Who invited him?
I mean, they are moments that it’s great to hang out with the boyfriends/girlfriends also and maybe we are actually all friends (you know, like in the tv shows). But, let’s get real people, you probably don’t hate your boyfriend’s best friend, but he is still not your bestie so why the heck is he here smiling/looking bored while we talk about beauty products?
I also appreciate when acquaintances ask me sadly when I go to a dinner alone: “where is your boyfriend? Is everything ok between you?” and I will simply say that he had other plans already. What I truly enjoy is the way they look at me, just like if I I had said he was doing something insane like: “he is busy cleaning up after murdering a prostitute in his basement”. I swear, no exaggeration here! They would have the same look regarding both situations. Realistically, they probably don’t even believe that he is busy and they talk behind my back while I go to the washroom about the fact that we clearly have problems and that we are doomed. Too bad!
One of my other favourite is getting unwanted advice about my relationship. I cannot count how many times I have been told alarmingly: “Chloé, you need to stop being too independent or it will destroy your relationship! Believe me, I have experience”. My favourite was when I was having a leak in the bathroom and water was starting to be everywhere and a friend told me “NO! don’t repair it yourself. You need to wait for him so he a feel like a man! It’s better for your relationship!”. Well, first, I’m not sure he is worth the water damage (kidding. Kind of…) and second, what if I prefer an honest and equal relationship? I know, I will shut up now, that’s a horrible thing to wish for.
Over the years, it appears that I have been a mystery to many women in my life and that’s more than fine. We’re different and I love them even if we don’t like having similar relationships. I just don’t know why they seem to think I’m going to wake up with an epiphany and call them saying they were right and start having my boyfriend with me all the time like a puppy.
Finally, here’s the best thing about being an independent girl. It’s when I meet someone new and we start talking about our personal relationship and I mention how people judge me for being independent and they say: “oh my god, I get you! It’s the same for me!” And then, just like that, I know, that the chances of us to become friends are higher and at least, I won’t be judge constantly. Plus, we get to judge dependant girls together!! OK COME ON. I’m sorry, but don’t make this surprise face, we all judge once in a while!
But seriously, all that matters is to be happy in your relationship and with we who you are. Don’t let people change you. Awww so cute.